Fast Death Music

blehI couldn't think of a better title for my music review site.bleh


Welcome to my garbage webpage. I made a garbage neocities because i can't afford hosting and the dark net is too much work.

Being a punk kid sure is fun.

As you can probably guess, I'll be focussing on contemporary punk records and outsider music. I'm fucking trash at web stuff, so you'll have to bear with me. I swear these records are probably worth your time though.

Onto the garbage fire, thank you for joining me lmao.bleh


Records I'm sick of talking about/The basics

If you're new to weird punk stuff, have a look here. This is pretty much the ropes. Not gonna be writing much about each release, but it'll give you a good place to start. Great for alienating friends and loved ones that aren't big on this kind of music.

Fair warning: bringing up some of these (eg. "omg have you heard of Coneheads") with people who know their shit will get you laughed out of the room.

coneheads lp1

Coneheads L.P.1 aka "14 Year Old High School PC​-​Fascist Hype Lords Rip Off Devo for the Sake of Extorting $​$​$ from Helpless Impressionable Midwestern Internet Peoplepunks L​.​P​.​"

This is what started it all, contemporary punks' obsession with devo-esque bands. Considered by almost everyone to be Mark Winter's magnum opus. Expect lots of really fucking weird guitar and bass riffs, coupled with angry monotone vocals being belted at breakneck speeds atop offbeat instrumentals. It's hard for people just being introduced to modern punk to hate this record, hell, I've sent this release to a bunch of exes and friends over the years that don't fuck with punk at all and I'm yet to find someone that doesn't love it.
That being said though, many fans these days consider this record to be baby's first punk experience, though everyone knows that everyone else also secretly listens to this album behind closed doors. I'm just going to come out and say that it's genuinely fucking great. I'm not sure that it is in fact Mark's best work, though. If this grabs your interest, I'd emplore you to check out some of his other projects such as:
D.L.I.M.C, Big Zit, C.C.T.V, GSB, Wild Joe & Liquids. I know there's a tonne more, I just cbf using the brainpower to dig through the archives of an artist that everyone has been ranting about every day for the past like 3 years.

uranium club human whatever

Uranium Club - Human Exploration

Okay so basically fuck this record. I'm not usually a negative person at all, and I love that there's a boom of new garage/punk bands making great music these days independantly, and this record 100% falls into that category. But.. good lord, just.. wow.
So long story short, this album is great. Excellent even. It's a collection of 8-10 tracks from memory that tell short stories relating to every day lives of American citizens. The songs are often comparable to something of the likes of an uncanny valley experience, with sinister undertones playing out as the songs progress, or just outright fucked from the get go. Coupled with unique and fucking weird and great guitar riffs carrying each track from start to end, you have a neat little release that grips you from start to finish.
The problem though.. is that everyone (at least locally) is a little bit too obsessed with these guys and it seems like every band these days hears this record and are like "Oh that sounds really cool, lets just play songs just like that." which has resulted in the past year of local bands coming out and sounding the exact same and missing the mark stealing Uranium Club's sound. It's not hard to use your brain to write something that isn't uranium club, and yes we can see what you're doing.
tl;dr incredible record, if you don't care for your live music scene, you *really* need to check this out. If you play in bands, just don't try and copy this record.

huff my sack

Lumpy and the Dumpers - Huff My Sack

Arguably as, if not more influential than The Coneheads, but not done to death as much as them, or Uranium Club. I'd chalk this up to Lumpy being less listener friendly, with him screaming his fucking lungs out about shit such as giving his unwashed balls a healthy whiff and bugs biting your dick to pieces as you go for a piss. That coupled with all of their album art being disgusting as hell, well boy howdy, you just put off a lot of posers that aren't here for the brutality and just like the funny guitar sounds.
Anyway, all of their albums are a riot if it's up your alley. Really can't recommend enough that you check out some of their live sets on youtube either, Lumpy has incredible stage presence, drives a little push scooter around while screaming in one video, and the majority of the time at some point during their performance people will get naked, cover themselves in slime and start writhing around in a heap of human bodies in the pit.


Hank Wood and the Hammerheads - S/T

Idk if this is the best Hank Wood album, but it's definitely the most polished. I'm sick of arguing about whether or not they're punk too, but here's the rundown; like 7-8 dudes on stage, kinda 1960's bluesy garage rock while hank goes a little bit nuts and yells the same handful of words over and over and makes noises. All of their albums are great, and more of the same shit. Heaps of synth and intense drums propelling the tracks and tying them all together and not much brainpower required to listen.
Fun fact: I have it on good authority that the super ripped bald guy that plays bongos/hits a metal thing with a hammer sometime left the band a while ago to pursue a career as an interprative dancer. Life is truly beautiful and i wish him luck even though he killed that chicken with his bare hands on stage that one time :^)